I was sitting there alone at Maju Ahmad. I could hear no noises, I could not feel anything around me. I was sitting there, thinking of what happened just five minutes ago. I was shattered, and felt being treated like trash.
I spent ten or more so minutes, all by myself. I could not careless about any other thing, but one thing I could not forget was her voice. Well I could still hear them now.
I went back home, and did not say a single word after that evening. I cried like a baby, for months. I locked myself in the room, and was feeling it was the tiniest place I could ever be. I did not do anything but lying on my bed. Every word, every moment, every details, even her smell; all of them, rushing into my mind.
I was in pain.
Why? Why did she do this? How could she?
So many questions, that I never get the answer; even until today.
...
We have been together for more than nine years. She has been on my side for everything. Job interviews, sight-seeing, outing, marathon, football, shopping, food hunting, more job interviews, everything that is happening in my life, she is always there.
She is a nice girl, with full of happiness and charm. One thing for sure is that her patience is beyond imaginable.
She never treat me badly. But I was never a good man. I did a lot of bad things, either to other people, to her, or to myself.
But she is there, accepting me for who I am. She shed lot of tears, but she never give up. I am ever grateful for her, and would never hurt her again.
...
I keep being silent, not because I do not care. I keep being silent, not because I am a coward. I keep being silent, not because I am afraid.
For my part, I already told everything that should be told. I gave my stand but you could not stand. I explained my situation but you did not get the explanation.
I admit every lied I told. I admit every wrong-doings I made. I admit everything I did was bad. I am so sorry for everything.
But I hope I did treat you well, I did my best not to hurt you. But my no's was always for you to stick to your nose.
At the end, I will always be wrong.
Reality is illusion.
xv
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